A Bit Of Laughter And Cheer, A Smile Or Two!

I've been away from home, away with my wee ones while Mom and Dad are vacationing.  They are have a marvelous time - and so are Mom and Dad.  The first week, the two older ones went to camp and it was just me and mini me.  Now it's the four of us, oh and three dogs.   Oh yes, three dogs!   That's a story in and of itself!  For another day!    Actually for another month!   When my mind is a bit fuzzier!

My dear friend sent this over to me to put some laughter in my day (and honestly some are hysterical, some so-so  but the entire thing is funny)  Plus some extras my Sweetie sent along. So, for those of you who need a bit of laughter and lots of smiles ~ here's a few to help you!  You all know how Blogger can be with spacing and all, I did what I could, think I got all of the duplicates out and do hope I bring you a laugh and a smile!

Have a wonderful Tuesday ~ 

Blessings, and hugs, 

Donna

PARAPROSDOKIANS...

(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. 1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. 3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright          until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. 5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. 6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.. 7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't. 9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station. 11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks. 12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.' 13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. 15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. 16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory. 17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. 19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. 20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure. 21. You're never too old to learn something stupid. 22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. 24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 26. Where there's a will, there are relatives. And mine is......... I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

  ·         I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way.   So I stole a bike and asked for       

            forgiveness.

   ·         Do not argue with an idiot.  He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 

   ·         I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.  Not screaming and yelling like the passengers 

             in his car.

   ·         The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.   

   ·         How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

   ·         Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very        

             edge of the pool and throw them fish.

    ·         A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

    ·         I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it, so I did, saying, "Implants?"

    ·         Some cause happiness wherever they go.  Others whenever they go.

    ·         I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

    ·         When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

    ·         Some people hear voices.  Some see invisible people.  Others have no imagination whatsoever.

    ·         A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

    ·         If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

    ·         Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the 

              paint is wet?

    ·         Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

    ·         A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

    ·         The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

    ·         Always borrow money from a pessimist.  He won't expect it back.

    ·         A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

    ·         Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

    ·         Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

    ·         I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a 

              piece of seaweed touches my foot.